How to get into Second Life without really trying

Selby Evans is Thinkerer Melville in Second Life

My Johnny,  age 14, tells me he wants to have his nose pierced and get a nose ring.  What do I do?

The fan of possibilities.

Dictate: "You will not.  I forbid it."

Shudoff:  Took the words right out of my mouth.

Un:  And demonstrated that even parents can be impulsive.  

Un:  And teach one of the fundamental lessons of adolescence:  It is easier to get forgiveness than to get permission.

Discourage. Start giving reasons why you think it is a bad idea.

Storyboarder:  When Johnny was younger, you taught him to ride a bike. Why didn’t you just ride the bike for him?

Model foresight. (After thinking with the mouth closed.) 

Ask questions about long term consequences. 

How hard is it to reverse?  Do we know anybody who had it done several years ago?  Can we ask them about it?  Can we look it up on the web?   

Who will do it?  What are their qualifications?  Do people get infections from this?  Should we ask your doctor for professional recommendations?  How much does it cost?  How will you pay for it? 

Do you have to worry about the ring snagging on something?  Would it be a good joke for somebody to catch you dozing and put a lock on it?  Will people kid you about being led around by the nose?     

Vulcan:  The frontal lobes in the brain are not fully mature until about age 25.  Those lobes house the modules that handle foresight and impulse control.    

Vulcan:  Your mature frontal lobes let you look forward to ten more years of this.  They also let you control your impulse to shout and pound the table.  They let you think of all the reasons why you should forbid it.  They even let you anticipate Johnny’s reaction when you lay down the law.

Vulcan:  Your mature frontal lobes also let you model what you want Johnny to be able to do.  When you model the behavior for Johnny, you speak to his imitative modules.  You have watched those modules at work since he was a baby.

Choose battles and/or lessons.     If you started with option 1 or 2, you have already chosen the battle.  If you started with option 3, you have remaining possibilities:

>Let Johnny make his choice.

>Show Johnny that problem solving is negotiating with reality.  “Yes, if you go a cosmetic surgeon.”

>Forbid anyway.  See how long that works.

Empath:  While you are thinking, recall your similar experiences with your parents.

Vulcan:  And recall that independence grows out of choices.  Even wrong choices.